(Original Article – http://www.manbuilders.com/boys-learn-from-their-father/)

Do you wonder how you are doing in raising your son? I do.

  • Am I teaching him the right things?
  • Am I involved enough?
  • Will he make it when he leaves the house?

In Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis, three types of dads are on display.

1. Absent – Dads who are only shadows in a boys life.

2. Involved – Dads who participate in their sons lives, but do not have a long-term plan. There is no investment in a core of clear, masculine directives that are vital for his success.

3. Strategic – Dads who have a well thought out plan and vision. They understand the true sense of masculinity and know how to deposit into their son’s life.

That was sobering. 

So who can really be strategic? Sounds like a myth or some perfect image of a dad and my son does not need that.

You may be a good dad, but are you a great dad?

I’m not claiming to be a great dad. Far from it. Strategic investment is hard and takes a lot of investment into his heart and character.

When I’m Absent. This one is easy and is the default. When I am busy at work or dealing with stress I easily become absent. This occurs when I stop spending time with my sons or treat them rudely. The good news is that you can easily break out of this category.

  1. Ask my wife how I am doing with the boys.
  2. Ask my sons how things are going between me and them.
  3. I can just feel it when I am not active with them or being rude.

Blindness of being Involved. This one is really hard for me and is tricky. You feel like going to a sporting event, doing something fun, or getting a chicken sandwich with him is spending time. While you are spending time with him and all of these are good things, they are just not great things unless you are spending that time by doing more than just the experience together.

Get and Stay Strategic.  When you get here, this is the top of the food chain. I am the first to admit my inconsistency. That is a large part of why I began this website in order to track how I am leading my sons and stay in the Strategic zone! Get in the zone by doing the following.

  1. Read books on parenting boys and character development.
  2. Follow a good blog on raising boys to get ideas from other parents.
  3. Review your fatherhood plan and make time to teach him what he needs.
  4. Get into his world by talking with him on a special one-on-one time and finding out what he is going through. Then, determine how you can help him with what he is facing. Don’t fix his problem, but stay with him.
  5. Review your own schedule and find where you are wasting time. Get that time margin back and spend it teaching your son critical character and life skills.

If you are not yet convinced of the need to be strategic with your son, may I encourage readingRaising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis to get you started. I receive no money for this recommendation, but believe strongly in the need to read this book if you are not convinced of the importance of strategic fatherhood.

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